I Don't Wanna Mommy Today

I Don't Want to Mommy Today

I LOVE my kids. Who doesn’t? But I want some time off.

I just want to sip my hot coffee, slowly, with a slurp even.

I want to roll in bed half asleep refusing to wake up and waking up only when I am tired of sleeping. Yes, tired of sleeping was phrase that I knew too well.

I want to speak a complete sentence without being interrupted.

I want to wear shoes with laces and have time to tie those laces.

I want to take a long shower even though I wasn’t a long shower kind of person.

I want to eat with both hands, using cutlery and table manners and not have someone pick into my plate, hang on my shoulders or pull my hair.

I want my room, my little heavenly place, my sanctuary, spic and span and without toys for a change.

I want to wear a dress that remains clean for more than 3 minutes.

I want to drive at the speed I like and listen to LOUD music without the worry of waking anyone up.

I also don’t want to responsible all the time.

I want to swear when I am pissed off and not worry about being mimicked or have the shame of setting a bad example and not having my shit together.

I want my eyes to wander where they want or even stare into space and not watch over toddler play.

I want a li’l freedom from worrying about meals and snacks and playtime and activity. I want to read a book (not a parenting one).

I want to comb my hair (Should be higher up in the list).

I want to paint my nails in one go.

I want to carry a small clutch and have my necessary outings' belonging fit into it. Just for a day. ONE day. Not more than that at all.

Because then I miss the constant chatter of ‘mamma mamma mamma mamma’ in a cute toddler voice.

I miss the bright smile on seeing me like I am something very special.

I miss the duckling like behaviour of following the Mamma duck everywhere.

I miss the joy he finds in small things (OMG OMG a bucket a mug and waterrrr!!)

I miss the enthusiasm he has for new revelations, OH MY GOD, she opened the tap there, and water came out here, at the end of the hose!!).

I miss the tiny hands holding mine.

I miss the tiny feet trying to stand on mine.

I miss the absolute thrill of him thinking he has tricked me and has found the perfect hiding place behind the curtains, and I definitely cannot see his feet from underneath.

I miss the hands behind the back, half-walk, half-jog when I try to catch him with my mock run.

I miss the endless love he shares with me for LEGO.

I miss the bewildered look of ‘where am I?’ when he wakes up and then the loving, smile of acknowledgement on seeing me.

I miss the soft hands searching for me even while asleep to get some sense of comfort and security.

I miss the responsibility, the purpose of being this new Mom-me.

It’s like this; how boring would Batman find to be just Bruce Wayne after living a life of a superhero. The plain stuff just gets boring. Coffee? Pfft, anyone can have coffee. Try having coffee with a toddler insisting you make him wear his shirt NOW while the baby at the arm tries to sip your coffee. Now that’s skill.

Kaddu bana diya hai by God in bacchon ne. I wanna be a Mommy.