I Don't Want to Mommy Today
I LOVE my kids. Who doesn’t?
But I want some time off.
I just want to sip my hot
coffee, slowly, with a slurp even.
I want to roll in bed half
asleep refusing to wake up and waking up only when I am tired of sleeping. Yes,
tired of sleeping was phrase that I knew too well.
I want to speak a complete
sentence without being interrupted.
I want to wear shoes with
laces and have time to tie those laces.
I want to take a long shower
even though I wasn’t a long shower kind of person.
I want to eat with both
hands, using cutlery and table manners and not have someone pick into my plate, hang on my shoulders or pull my hair.
I want my room, my little
heavenly place, my sanctuary, spic and span and without toys for a change.
I want to wear a dress that
remains clean for more than 3 minutes.
I want to drive at the speed
I like and listen to LOUD music without the worry of waking anyone up.
I also don’t want to
responsible all the time.
I want to swear when I am pissed
off and not worry about being mimicked or have the shame of setting a bad
example and not having my shit together.
I want my eyes to wander
where they want or even stare into space and not watch over toddler play.
I want a li’l freedom from
worrying about meals and snacks and playtime and activity. I want to read a
book (not a parenting one).
I want to comb my hair
(Should be higher up in the list).
I want to paint my nails in
one go.
I want to carry a small
clutch and have my necessary outings' belonging fit into it. Just for a day. ONE
day. Not more than that at all.
Because then I miss the
constant chatter of ‘mamma mamma mamma mamma’ in a cute toddler voice.
I miss the bright smile on
seeing me like I am something very special.
I miss the duckling like
behaviour of following the Mamma duck everywhere.
I miss the joy he finds in
small things (OMG OMG a bucket a mug and waterrrr!!)
I miss the enthusiasm he has
for new revelations, OH MY GOD, she opened the tap there, and water came out
here, at the end of the hose!!).
I miss the tiny hands
holding mine.
I miss the tiny feet trying
to stand on mine.
I miss the absolute thrill
of him thinking he has tricked me and has found the perfect hiding place behind
the curtains, and I definitely cannot see his feet from underneath.
I miss the hands behind the
back, half-walk, half-jog when I try to catch him with my mock run.
I miss the endless love he
shares with me for LEGO.
I miss the bewildered look
of ‘where am I?’ when he wakes up and then the loving, smile of acknowledgement
on seeing me.
I miss the soft hands
searching for me even while asleep to get some sense of comfort and security.
I miss the responsibility,
the purpose of being this new Mom-me.
It’s like this; how boring would
Batman find to be just Bruce Wayne after living a life of a superhero. The
plain stuff just gets boring. Coffee? Pfft, anyone can have coffee. Try having
coffee with a toddler insisting you make him wear his shirt NOW while the baby
at the arm tries to sip your coffee. Now that’s skill.
Kaddu bana diya hai by God
in bacchon ne. I wanna be a Mommy.
